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 December 22nd, 1999
Pink Eggs and Ham
Well, I am officially here to gloat. I'm back working on my
journal again because I am totally ready for Christmas.<satisfied smirk> That's right. All of my shopping
is done. Every present is festively wrapped. And just in the nick of time, I might say, because it looks as if
Santa has dropped an early present at our house this year. The Holiday Flu.
It began Thursday night with my four year old and is rapidly zipping through the house spanking us like naughty
school children. It looks like today might be my day for the beating. I think I can feel it creeping around my
intestines just waiting for me to eat something interesting or to catch me off guard in public. What better place
to vomit than the fresh fruit section
of the local market?
Even though this has been a difficult week so far, Friday night with my three year old, Nick, was the worst of
all. In my infinite wisdom, I made the incredibly stupid choice of serving scrambled eggs for dinner that night.
Combine this with the watered down Koolaid my husband added to the mix in an effort to settle his tummy later that
night, and my toddler was puking pink eggs and ham all evening long. It was a Dr. Suess book straight from the
bowels of Hell. I cannot even explain to you how hard eggs are to get out of the carpet.
Bless his little heart. At 2am that morning he sat up in my bed and said, "Mommy. My tummy feels better."
Not two seconds later he projectile vomited eggs and ham all over my bedcovers. Gotta love that sneak attack.
So as I sat there scrubbing eggs out of the carpet as my baby looked on with great amusement, it made me think
of this ~
I am Nick.
Nick I am.
I did not puke pink eggs and ham.
Did you puke pink eggs and ham?
I did not puke them, Nick I am.
I did not puke pink eggs and ham.
I did not puke them on the wall.
I did not puke them in the hall.
I did not puke them in your shoe
I did not puke at all, did you?
I did not upchuck chunky tidbits
I did not unravel your frazzled wits
I did not sleep 'til 4am
not 'til your rope had reached it's end
I did not pass this germ so nasty
to my sisters and my daddy
not I, not Nick, I passed it not
this germ of mine that I've now got
I did not make you all so sick
I did not, could not, not I, Nick
I did not hurl upon your bed
eggs and ham in shades of red
I did not vomit in the tub
in an effort to spread this icky bug
Not I, not Nick, I did it not
I passed not along this flu I've got
I did not giggle as you scrubbed
the eggs and ham off of the rug
I did not chuckle as you ran
away from all the eggs and ham
I did not rub it in my hair
I did not, could not, would not dare
It ended there by chance, it did
these eggs and ham upon my lid
I did not pass this season cheer
I did not, could not, did you hear?
I did not puke pink eggs and ham
I did not puke them, Nick, I am.
Here's hoping the season finds you all flu free and well!
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